My responses, but no fun replies

I think they're starting to catch on .....but I still get a ton of these emails. After replying to semi-legit craigslist ads I am thankful for the opportunity to get a little creative:

THEIR EMAIL:
Hello,
Thanks for getting back to me and everything sound good to me, Am
Monica Robert by name, my son is coming for an holiday in your
area(CITY), His full name is Eric
Robert and he is 16 years old I want him to be busy in the time of
the day, because i will be in SPAIN Bacelona to visit relatives for a
month Am okay with your price
and how much experience do you have in that aspect?i have decided to
let him attend your lesson and he will be coming 1 hour in a day in
the Afternoon, also get back to me with your own convenient time and
days you want my son to be coming in 2 days in a week and when you

will be available to start with my son next week, i haves Someone
that will always drives him down to your lesson center..I will be
happy if you can help my son because my son is highly interested in
your tutor lesson Kindly get back to me with your information below
to be on the check.....
Name to be on the check
Contact Address(street,apt #,City,State,Zip code)
YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER...(i can text you)
The reason why i need the information is that the payment will sent to
you through Usps Or UPS Courier,So that the courier can deliver the
payment to you. Hope you
understand me now..

Thanks and sincere regards from me.
My due regards
Monica
God is Love! 1 John 4:16

For God so Loved the World! John 3:16
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life...John 14:1-6

MY REPLY:

Dearest Ms. Monica,

It is in the Good God name's that I write you these blessed words.
I am so thankful for the opportunity you have given to tutor your son in in my .

I am available most afternoons at 10 AM. I hope that time will be agreeable. One thing is that with the tutoring in punctuality is most important. If he cannot make it at 10 AM in the afternoon then we should find another time, indeed.

Your British English is very good for once I have spent time in African regions near very hot places and eaten too much rice. Congrats - I would like to have tea with you for your accomplishments. You also have a very good use of Craig's list - he is a blessed man and gives all the money from the sexy posts to good cause, that is what we understand in the US.

I like the USPS very much. I am sad the post office will be in fact closed for our PRESIDENT'S DAY. I do not know if your people's republic celebrates things, or if you are ruled by a dictator - that would be sad. For you at least.

I just made a very nice cocktail with cocktail grapefruit, gin, grapefruit juice, some seltzer - I would offer you one but you are too far. What a shame it is indeed.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest about how we may proceed.

Oh - if possible, could your son please acquire a notebook, 4 no. 4 pencils, and an for our daily lessons in .

GOD LOVES ALL-
Captain Kleenex

"Remember the rapture of the rapture will remember you" - JAKE 02:16
"12 ROLLS are like 24 with thick ply soft tissue" - COTTONELLE 12:24

"HER" REPLY:

Hello
Place still available for rent? ..

---------------

HELLO,

HOW ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW IF THE ITEM POSTED STILL AVAILABLE FOR SALE ALONG WITH THE PRICE

THANKS

MY REPLY:

HI PHIL PATH,

I AM DOING WELL. HOW ARE YOU? TODAY I HAD A NICE DAY. I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY TOO. I GUESS YOU PROBABLY WROTE TO MANY PEOPLE ON CRAIGSLIST. I'M SORRY FOR YOU THAT IT IS YOUR JOB TO DO THAT. I MADE A PRETTY GOOD COCKTAIL WITH DINNER AND MY GIRLFRIEND MADE A NICE MEAL. WE ENJOYED IT AND THEN I MADE AN ICE CREAM SUNDAY. IT WAS GREAT. WELL, MY ITEM IS STILL FOR SALE - AND THE COST IS REASONABLE - IF YOU WANT TO SEND A COURIER OR SHIPPER I GUESS I CAN GIVE YOU MY INFORMATION BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT FORM EMAIL.

REMEMBER JAHOVA WILL FORGIVE YOUR SISTER IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFUL.

BLESSED BE JOSIAH,

MADUKU

FROM LARRYGAY2:

Hello,

How are you doing today and How is the Weather also?. I just want to know if the tutor
lesson still available for my son, He is 15 years old and his name is David, I want you to
calculate the cost of 2 hours per day for two days in a week for the whole a Month
which is 16 hours per month and email me back the total cost....Awaiting for your quick
response. Best Regard.

my response:

Wow, Larrygay2 ...very nice - isn't it illegal to be gay in your country?

Love, Simon

Their response to me (typical form sent 8 seconds later)

Thanks for getting back to me and everything sound good to me, Am
Laura George by name, my son is coming for an holiday in your (CITY), His
name is David and is 16 years old .I want him to be busy in the time
of the day, because am in Spain for business trip i will be back in 2
months Time that is why i want him to be lesson,..Am okay with your
price and i have decided to let him attend your lesson and he will be
coming 2 hour in a day, also get back to me with your own convenient
time and day you want my son to be coming in 2 days in a week and i
haves Someone (Nanny) that will always drives him down to your lesson
center..I will be happy if you can help my son because my son is
highly interested in your tutor lesson ..Make sure you check your
email often if there is any emergency or important notice

Kindly get back to me with your information below to be on the check.....


First name...................
Last name.....................
Door step street address...............
City..........................
State.........................
Zip/Postal code...............
Home phone....................
Cell phone.....................


Hope to read back from you with the details requested