The ice cream has melted - moving to jonathan-singer.com

Looking for a gently used Miele?  Probably not going to find it here.  Perhaps xylophone historian, performer, and percussionist Jonathan Singer will share some of his favorite ice cream brands at www.jonathan-singer.com --- You'll be able to find information on his xylophone related dissertation, publications, teaching, performances, videos, etc.  See you there!

My responses, but no fun replies

I think they're starting to catch on .....but I still get a ton of these emails. After replying to semi-legit craigslist ads I am thankful for the opportunity to get a little creative:

THEIR EMAIL:
Hello,
Thanks for getting back to me and everything sound good to me, Am
Monica Robert by name, my son is coming for an holiday in your
area(CITY), His full name is Eric
Robert and he is 16 years old I want him to be busy in the time of
the day, because i will be in SPAIN Bacelona to visit relatives for a
month Am okay with your price
and how much experience do you have in that aspect?i have decided to
let him attend your lesson and he will be coming 1 hour in a day in
the Afternoon, also get back to me with your own convenient time and
days you want my son to be coming in 2 days in a week and when you

will be available to start with my son next week, i haves Someone
that will always drives him down to your lesson center..I will be
happy if you can help my son because my son is highly interested in
your tutor lesson Kindly get back to me with your information below
to be on the check.....
Name to be on the check
Contact Address(street,apt #,City,State,Zip code)
YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER...(i can text you)
The reason why i need the information is that the payment will sent to
you through Usps Or UPS Courier,So that the courier can deliver the
payment to you. Hope you
understand me now..

Thanks and sincere regards from me.
My due regards
Monica
God is Love! 1 John 4:16

For God so Loved the World! John 3:16
I am the Way, the Truth and the Life...John 14:1-6

MY REPLY:

Dearest Ms. Monica,

It is in the Good God name's that I write you these blessed words.
I am so thankful for the opportunity you have given to tutor your son in in my .

I am available most afternoons at 10 AM. I hope that time will be agreeable. One thing is that with the tutoring in punctuality is most important. If he cannot make it at 10 AM in the afternoon then we should find another time, indeed.

Your British English is very good for once I have spent time in African regions near very hot places and eaten too much rice. Congrats - I would like to have tea with you for your accomplishments. You also have a very good use of Craig's list - he is a blessed man and gives all the money from the sexy posts to good cause, that is what we understand in the US.

I like the USPS very much. I am sad the post office will be in fact closed for our PRESIDENT'S DAY. I do not know if your people's republic celebrates things, or if you are ruled by a dictator - that would be sad. For you at least.

I just made a very nice cocktail with cocktail grapefruit, gin, grapefruit juice, some seltzer - I would offer you one but you are too far. What a shame it is indeed.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest about how we may proceed.

Oh - if possible, could your son please acquire a notebook, 4 no. 4 pencils, and an for our daily lessons in .

GOD LOVES ALL-
Captain Kleenex

"Remember the rapture of the rapture will remember you" - JAKE 02:16
"12 ROLLS are like 24 with thick ply soft tissue" - COTTONELLE 12:24

"HER" REPLY:

Hello
Place still available for rent? ..

---------------

HELLO,

HOW ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW IF THE ITEM POSTED STILL AVAILABLE FOR SALE ALONG WITH THE PRICE

THANKS

MY REPLY:

HI PHIL PATH,

I AM DOING WELL. HOW ARE YOU? TODAY I HAD A NICE DAY. I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY TOO. I GUESS YOU PROBABLY WROTE TO MANY PEOPLE ON CRAIGSLIST. I'M SORRY FOR YOU THAT IT IS YOUR JOB TO DO THAT. I MADE A PRETTY GOOD COCKTAIL WITH DINNER AND MY GIRLFRIEND MADE A NICE MEAL. WE ENJOYED IT AND THEN I MADE AN ICE CREAM SUNDAY. IT WAS GREAT. WELL, MY ITEM IS STILL FOR SALE - AND THE COST IS REASONABLE - IF YOU WANT TO SEND A COURIER OR SHIPPER I GUESS I CAN GIVE YOU MY INFORMATION BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT FORM EMAIL.

REMEMBER JAHOVA WILL FORGIVE YOUR SISTER IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFUL.

BLESSED BE JOSIAH,

MADUKU

FROM LARRYGAY2:

Hello,

How are you doing today and How is the Weather also?. I just want to know if the tutor
lesson still available for my son, He is 15 years old and his name is David, I want you to
calculate the cost of 2 hours per day for two days in a week for the whole a Month
which is 16 hours per month and email me back the total cost....Awaiting for your quick
response. Best Regard.

my response:

Wow, Larrygay2 ...very nice - isn't it illegal to be gay in your country?

Love, Simon

Their response to me (typical form sent 8 seconds later)

Thanks for getting back to me and everything sound good to me, Am
Laura George by name, my son is coming for an holiday in your (CITY), His
name is David and is 16 years old .I want him to be busy in the time
of the day, because am in Spain for business trip i will be back in 2
months Time that is why i want him to be lesson,..Am okay with your
price and i have decided to let him attend your lesson and he will be
coming 2 hour in a day, also get back to me with your own convenient
time and day you want my son to be coming in 2 days in a week and i
haves Someone (Nanny) that will always drives him down to your lesson
center..I will be happy if you can help my son because my son is
highly interested in your tutor lesson ..Make sure you check your
email often if there is any emergency or important notice

Kindly get back to me with your information below to be on the check.....


First name...................
Last name.....................
Door step street address...............
City..........................
State.........................
Zip/Postal code...............
Home phone....................
Cell phone.....................


Hope to read back from you with the details requested

Fantastic craigslist ad that I did not post!!

http://chambana.craigslist.org/bab/2768023754.html

Fantastic craigslist ad that I did not post!!

http://chambana.craigslist.org/bab/2768023754.html

Why BOBBY ROSS AVILA is an asshole.

One day I spotted a vibraphone on ebay. There were some problems with the listing which set off a red light for me. The picture of the vibraphone and the vibraphone listed were different...and the picture was not very good. I emailed the guy and asked if I could call him. He responded with a phone number and so we spoke. I said: Would you consider a low offer for this vibraphone to get it done with and not have to deal with ebay? He enthusiastically answered: "YES!"

People have an aversion towards Ebay, and they view listing something in an auction as some sort of desperate measure to get rid of something they don't have to deal with.

I view it as a way to keep assholes out of your house.

SO given the opportunity to end the auction on the vibraphone, he took it - for $900 (including shipping, estimated at $100).

What's his name? "Russ."

I ask him for his paypal account information and do a personal transfer (stupid me), so they he doesn't get hit with a paypal fee. I guess I'm screwing Ebay and Paypal here...however I justify this by regularly getting screwed by them...so it's a mutually screwing?

He didn't have his paypal email though, so I waited a couple of days for him to text me the email, claiming his "wife" knew it. Great.

I sent the money and watched the ebay auction go down to the last minute.

The bastard didn't remove the item.

Now here are two fun facts:

1) He had my money and someone else had won the auction.

2) That other person won the auction for $760 !! - technically I overpaid. Score "Russ."

I call "Russ" as I'm worried about him sending the vibraphone to winner.

Russ. now known as "Ross," reassures me..."it's yours, buddy."

At some point, after about 10 phone calls, we became BUDDYS!

http://www.buddyspizza.com/ - "BUDDYS" - is an excellent pizza joint in Detroit.

bud·dy

   [buhd-ee] Show IPA noun, plural -dies,verb, -died, -dy·ing. Informal .

noun

1.

comrade or chum (often used as a term of address).

2.

bud² .

NOT how would describe my relationship with the possible terrorist "R."

Never mind the indent here, I can't figure out how to get back to the left.

SOooo....Ross tells me: no worries, the guy who won the ebay auction didn't really want the vibraphone. It's yours, buddy. It's yours.

GREAT! I got the vibraphone after all. I'm sure the guy who just won the vibraphone on ebay for $760 wasn't at all excited about getting the deal of the century and sweating out the last seconds of the auction. Nah. He's probably go so much money to throw around he was just bidding on anything and everything...having no idea what a vibraphone was. Lots of people bid on vibraphones for fun...it's like ice cream...two scoops of fun. Whoohoo.

OK - so a couple days pass. Where my vibraphone? Where's tracking? Where's con man ROSS?!?!?!?

Oh here he is: "Hey Buddy, the shipping is way too expensive, I think I should just return your money, it's not worth it." -- THEN he gives me some bullshit numbers...$137.52

Great. He got an exact quote from UPS, and that's it.

First. There's no way that vibraphone could be shipped from LA to NY for $137.52. That's why I jumped on "$100" shipping. It would be much closer to $200 if not more (and a true pain to pack up and ship without getting destroyed).

Second...if it was just $37.52 more, I'd certainly pay that.

....so a week goes by. No refund.

I notice his Ebay feedback goes from 100% to 88% in two days. Interesting.

What happened??? OH! He conned SEVERAL OTHER PEOPLE at the same time !!

and there's negative feedback on the vibraphone. transaction.

He sold the guy a Deagan vibraphone when it was listed as a Jenco.

WAIT?! WHAT?!?!? OH !!! HE SOLD IT TO THE OTHER GUY.

GREAT.

So where's my money?

I send the money ($900) on October 7th.

Somewhere around the 20th I started to wonder if I'd just given away $900.

At the end of October I lose my cool...I call him up...

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR NAME?!?!"

The guy texts me his address and driver's license #. Although I don't buy it for a second because it's useless information to me...and it only took him .04 seconds to text. Obviously I'm getting TEXT FORWARDS. Great.

I start to poke around with the paypal phone number on his account and email and blah blah blah...and who is he? He texts me: "You're reaching."

I start sending him texts by the minute. No response...another...

He tells me "Look up the AVILA BROTHERS."

Now I know nobody who will read this knows who the AVILA BROTHERS are...

but if you look them up - you will indeed find they're some crappy get up that has won a Grammy ..at some point...and has a website that doesn't function - and a shitty twitter page.

THANKS ROSS.

Oh - no...now it's BOBBY ROSS AVILA.

THIS ASSHOLE:

Apparently he has some hit single from 1993 and has been scamming people to cover his coke bills ever since?!?!?!

I call the phone number on the paypal account.

It's a guy in Nashville who works at a studio-- I look him up, and he's the recording engineer on some of Jerkface Bobby's recordings. Lovely.

Now I made a mistake and thought he was one of the New Kids on the Block (NKOTB) for a second. I apologize to those of you who may have been excited to find out I was being scammed by such a great artist....it was just in fact Bobby Asshole.

Then he tells me he can't refund my money on paypal. He has too many disputes pending from ebay, and that he's not at fault for anything, but his account has been locked.

I call paypal and they verify this COULD in fact be true - but because of privacy issues they can't tell me if in Asshole Bobby's case it is or isn't.

...I wait...

...I wait...

Then he says he's send a bank check via USPS.

Great.

no tracking on that - no way to believe it's gone out...but 10 days later..nothing.

HEY BOBBY, WHERE'S THE MONEY!?

Ooooh...Bobby texts:

"That doesn't seem right. I gave it to my wife to send. Let me see."

OH - there was no BANK CHECK in the first place. I FORGOT!!

GREAT. So now there's no check, I waited 10 days, he's probably spent my $900 on hookers...and....

"Wait, I could do a bank to bank transfer."

At this point we'd actually become BUDDYS. So why not give him my bank account number??!?!? -- I tell him I'm going to send it....but then I go check with my bank and they tell me not to...it's not safe.

Then I get pissed and leave him a sort of insane voicemail suggesting that I'm going to have him arrested. I called the guy who actually bought the vibraphone and he explained his take on this slimeball. He had reported him to ebay and wanted another excuse to report him again...so at least I had some safely incase things went terrible (the link to ebay and Bobby's credit card info)

Sigh.

Days go by and I hear nothing from Bobby...he's been traveling "on business."

Finally he returns to California and tells me he's going to wire me the money.

I give in and give him my bank account info not believing that he has the brains to figure out how to empty my account. Then..I wait....I wait....I wait...and I wait.

I finally get a phone call response from Bobby.

I made up a fictitious wife for myself and threatened him ..as my wife happens to be a lawyer.

Bobby laughs. He leaves a message which is mostly unintelligible...but here are the key points:

1) He's sick (hence his voice is gone)

2) He is amused by my lawyer threat

3) He has my $900 and isn't making money on it (probably lost it)

4) I caught him at a bad time in his life

5) He closed his paypal account, but if he hadn't, for future reference, I should have made a paypal claim.

6) He's return my money via bank transfer sometime in the next few days and wasn't going to answer the phone anymore...he's busy.

FUCKER!!!!!

Re: #5 - I thought about this before and attempted to request a refund via paypal. However, because I sent the money via personal transfer and not as a payment for ebay goods...that is supposed to be for friends and family (or people you trust) - and not con artists who not have the right to keep your money, because you didn't pay paypal the %2.9 fee.

Daarrrghhh

BUT he gave me an idea!

SO I called paypal and explained the situation.

They were more than happy to make a claim on the transaction and said it would be forfeited in my favor if BOBBY didn't respond within 10 days.

YES!!!!!!!

I was fairly certain BOBBY wouldn't know what to do.. maybe continue to lie...if he even got the paypal email.

9 days...no response.

The 10th day...I went to a movie...and in the middle of the movie got a text message from HIS TRULY. BASTARD!!!!!! BASTARD!!!!! BASTARD!!!!

The text was just a forward of an earlier message he sent though:

"Hey, I sent you the money..did you get it? account number XXXX-XXXX - I'm beat, and going to bed"

But it was 5:30 PM his time..which set me off to know it was just a forward of a message he sent weeks earlier.

Not that he needed anymore lies on lies...but he changed the bank account # from what I sent him...I would hope that's his version of: 'Ohhh, I made a mistake, woopsies..I'm busy..I'll fix it next week"

SO almost TWO MONTHS go by...and I'm SOoooOOO close to getting my money back.

I go home expecting an email from paypal saying: "seller claims to have refunded money by bank transfer" or something...which would just screw up my paypal refund.

BUT ...I didn't.

No email.

I didn't respond to Bobby...

I just had to hope nothing happened by morning and I would get my refund.

Nothing happened.

I called Paypal - ...YES!!!! I was entitled to the $900 refund..which they granted while I was on the phone. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN what?!?!

What should I do!??!?!?!

Should I post Bobby's phone number all over the internet?!

Should I send him dead mice in the mail?

..what what what?!

Nothing.

I should do nothing.

I should hope that somehow he's getting screwed by someone for bad credit or a bounced $900 or something that makes the bastards life more miserable than it already is (if that's possible)....

And then I got an email not moments later.

It's from Les, the guy who's phone number was on the paypal account.

"Hey, so what happened with this transaction from October 7th? I can't find an ebay sale that it corresponds to."

BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ONE!

I call Les, explain what happened - and he tells me he has Bobby sell stuff on ebay for him..and that now Bobby owes HIM $900 because it got taken out of his bank account.

Whatever - end of story - Bobby will always owe somebody something...

and what is the moral of the story?!?!?!

Be fortunate that you're not at the top of the charts in 1993?

Although that's a great mystery as well...my parents are convinced he's tied to the mofia.

Mobster or not...to me, Bobby Ross Avila will always just be an asshole.

Do you remember this song? Or is it just generic pop garbage? I thought I remembered hearing it in a bowling alley in middle school...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdL_Uc3VbrU

How long until this gets flagged for removal?!

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fuo/2590412565.html

Tossi CHAT

ossi: hi

me: Can you use paypal?

Tossi: nope

i can only issue acashoer check

me: I have a big problem with the mail here.

They locked my mailbox

12:38 PM Tossi: give me your pysical address so they can deliver the check to your door step

me: I don't have a door step - I live in New York !

12:39 PM I live in apartment building

273 W. 14th Street Apt #32, Brooklyn NY 10023

I have a few questions for you

you can answer honestly, please

12:40 PM Tossi: what ?

ok

me: Where are you really located?

which part of Nigeria?

I love Nigerian drumming

you type well and speak good English

Tossi: lagos

Thanks

me: Lagos has a lot of Tamil people

12:41 PM Tossi: Yeag

me: My guru played there last year ...for Tamil association

Tossi: oh great

that fine

me: can you tell me how the scam works? You get my address and then somehow I am supposed to send you the extra money or something?

12:42 PM Tossi: Yeah . i will send you 5000 and you take 2000 and wire the remaining to me

me: How much have you made so far?

Tossi: why u asking ?

me: I am just curious - I sell a lot of things on craigslist and often hear from you guys

12:43 PM but I never had a chance to chat with someone - you speak good english though

I won't report you - I just post this to a blog that will hopefully make people laugh